I was listening to an adoption podcast recently where the host posed the question above; and it got me thinking...
What do I actually want to be a mother or pregnant?
What am I looking forward to being a Mum?
Breast feeding
Closeness and skin-to-skin contact with a new born
Being able to name our child with our carefully thought out name and middle names that mean something to us and our family
Being able to read bedtime stories
Family trips out
Park days
Nature walks
Jumping in muddy puddles
Climbing trees
Film nights
Christmas crafting
Baking and getting our flour, linking the spoon and then eating our bakes
Tea round the grandparents
Cousin days
Birthday parties
Friends play dates
Playing board games and card games
Playing with legs
Introducing them to Disney
Introducing them to Harry Potter
Sharing our faith and helping them find their own
Truly being involved in family services and activities within the church and community
And when I think about it the list is endless and I could have kept on going. Also looking at that list (of the things that came off the top of my head) no where does it say being pregnant or giving birth - that's not what makes a parent, that's not what makes you a Mummy. Also apart from the top 3 on this list, I will get to do all the others things and I am looking forward to it.
I am sad about not being able to breast feed - yes - because I hear it is such a great bonding experience for you and your baby. But in the grand scheme of things that is only one small part of motherhood.
Have we been planning our children's names for a long time - yes - will we get to use them when we adopt - not fully. Adopted children already have a name, which is a part of them and their identity, to change it would be unfair. However we could have the possibility to give them a middle name once the adoption is finalised and they officially become ours, with our surname.
Closeness we can still have, all children need hugging and snuggle time, it just won't be as intimate as it is with a newborn. However all children need love and will crave it. That love and bonding will grow in time. I have seen it happen in school, some children will want hugs quite frequently and that is the Year 6 children just as much as the younger ones. The same is true of children waiting for adoption.
Am I missing out by adopting children? No, absolutely not - I will still get to be a parent, provide a safe and loving home, be someone's forever home. All those other aspects of parenthood I will still get to do and be a part of. We will still get to have a positive influence in a child's life and they will still call me: Mummy and Nick: Daddy.
Ultimately that is what we want - to be a family!
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