Oliver Twist, Clark Kent, Harry Potter, Annie, Margaret, Edith and Agnes (the last three children are from Despicable Me.) "So what do all these fictional children have in common?" I hear you ask. Well in one way or another, they have all been adopted. Adopted! What does it mean to be adopted? The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as this "to legally take another's child and bring it up as ones own." That wors 'take' I have an issue with. I will not be taking any child. Children are placed for adoption for a variety reasons and those reasons and decisions are not taken lightly.
Now back to the title question.
"Why don't you just adopt?"
To begin with there's no just in adoption. You can't just rock up to a children's home and take the child who takes your fancy. If I had a £1 for every time I've been asked this, I would be a very rich lady. Now let's get deeper into the question, also to why it's extremely inappropriate to ask someone with fertility struggles...
You are not telling them something they do not already know. I mean adoption isn't exactly hidden - just look at the list of characters above.
They have probably already thought about it and made their decision on the topic, just because they haven't shared it with you doesn't mean it's not on the cards. They will share it in their own time. And you suggesting it is most probably not the reason they have gone ahead with it, if they have in fact gone ahead with it.
Finally, maybe they are considering it, have already researched it, the process, may have even begun the process. However that is for them to share with you when they decide to do so. When they feel ready.
So next time you feel the urge to ask it ... please don't, bite your lip and move on.
As for us we have been thinking about it for while and back in December 2021 we decided to find out a little more from our RAA (Regional Adoption Agency). We attended (on teams) an information evening in January 2022and following on from that we submitted our initial application of interest to that agency. After trying to start a family for so long and hearing all the statistics around sibling groups and how they wait so much longer than single children to be adopted, we began this journey with a preference of adopting a sibling group of two children.
We were assigned a lovely Social Worker and she had guided us through the process so far. There are two stages to becoming approved adopters: Stage one is filled with paperwork, background checks, a medical and ends with attending a group preparation training. All sounds a bit intense but have got this far through more tense circumstances and so far the process has been moving fairly steadily.
Our Social Worker (still sounds strange to say that, we have a Social Worker!) seems happy with our progress and said that our wide matching criteria will mean we should not have to wait too long to be matched with our children.
It seems strange to think that our children are already out there somewhere waiting for their forever home - just like we are waiting for them to join our family too.
This makes me think of another favourite childhood film of mine - An American Tail and the song from it called 'Somewhere out there.'
"Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there."
And it ends with the lyrics
"Somewhere out there, if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true."
I have only just realised how beautifully this song depicts the relationship between adoptive parents and children who are waiting to find each other.
That is my prayer for us - We are here for you, we are thinking of you and we know that love can see us through!
Amen 🙏🏻
Comments