Ask yourself this - What can you do in a fortnight?
Go on a holiday; see all the sights and sounds of that city, or sample the relaxing power of lying on sun-kissed beach or swimming in a lovely ocean
You could redecorate a room in your house
You could redo a garden
Go out on day trips and visit family and friends
In 14 days the possibilities are endless. In the reality of our situation and with Covid restrictions, life was a lot different.
Below is photo from Zoe Clark-Coates author of such books as "The baby loss guide" and "Pregnancy after loss"
Still under isolation we return home from the hospital back to our home, my solitude for the next two weeks. I needed to try and stay positive and active, but not too active. I needed to try and not think about it, but all I could do was think about it. I needed to try and be optimistic, but not too optimistic and not think too far ahead, as failure would be so much harder to deal with if my head has already started planning our lives as a family.
So then, what do you do with two weeks? You cannot leave the house, cannot have people round, cannot do the normal things people would so in this situation to take your mind off it. Time to start a new hobby, read that book you've always wanted to, watch the series you've been waiting binge on, hope and pray, listen to music, worship, read the Bible...
Anything to fill the silence of your own thoughts. All those "What if?" questions that float in and out of mind like a cloud on the wind.
I was given a piece of advice by a good friend who had been through something similar-
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst."
I try to keep upbeat and positive, but I also don't want to pin all our hopes on these two tiny embryos, just in case. Then I begin to question my faith and my trust in God's promise to us. My head is all over the place and I'm stuck in these four walls. I need to take my mind off things.
Time to go back to my list of distractions:- my nephew has been talking about this anime series called "Naruto" let's see what all the fuss is about. I'm told it's a long road ahead - over 30,000 episodes - that will do! Got plenty of time on my hands here.
The hospital calls to inform us that we only have one blastocyst embryo to freeze, if this doesn't work - we've got one more go!
I continue to take my mind off things by working from home, participating in theme weeks, attending zoom assemblies and meetings, zoom Bible studies with friends, phone calls and video calls with family. I try to ignore every twinge and potential symptom that could possibly point to success and I try not get ahead with my planning of the future with our child(ren). I commit the ultimate no-no and Google "signs of success after embryo transfer" and for once googling my symptoms actually helped as the information I read on the NHS website stated for each symptom that
"This could be a sign the transfer has been successful however this could also be a side effect of the estrogen tablets and progesterone pessaries."
This gave me comfort as the things I was feeling - were actually happening! I was not imagining them, my body was not playing tricks on me.
I still had a week to wait...
I recreate the scene from Friends where Phoebe lies upside down on the chair with the guitar and sings
"Are you in there little feuts?
In 9 months will you come great us?
I will buy you some Adidas."
I need to get out of this house. I am not sleeping. I need fresh air - maybe that will help me sleep better. I have been stuck inside for four weeks now, only leaving twice for hospital visits.
I go for a short walk in nature round the block. Wow it's so good to be out in the fresh air. I take a deep breathe and look to the sky. A couple of days later I do the same and find the canal path, that has been a five minute walk from our house, the whole time and we never knew.
Not that long now two days left, I can take the test Sunday morning ...
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