As I sit here and write this blog post, it is exactly one year since my egg retrieval. (See my other blog post named "Egg Retrieval Day and the week/weak that followed" for more information on that part of our journey.)
So back to the title of this blog,
Infertility is ...
Waiting
Waiting
And waiting some more
Doing everything 'right' and still not ending up with a baby of our own
Tiring
Unfair
Cruel
Brutal
Painful
Long winded
Entering the unknown
Unknown questions
Not knowing
Sensitive
Loss
Infertility takes over your life and makes you sensitive to so many different things. Sensitive both physically, mentally and emotionally. One moment you're fine, happily going about your day - then BAM that trigger hits you and you become an emotional wreck. They say time can be a healer, but when it comes to infertility the more time you endure, the worse it is.
Infertility is a cruel hand dealt to you and can often make you wonder - Why us? Why doesn't - Sex = Baby, for us? Why are we the ones not allowed to start a family, that we so rightly deserve? Why haven't we been blessed, yet?!
The universe or people who don't understand, would often answer back ...
You've got your health
Your job
Your husband
Family
Friends
Etc etc etc
You should be happy with your lot
And I am happy. I love my husband, family, friends and my job. But surely there is more than this to life. I believe, I've been told, that becoming a parent is the most rewarding thing you could ever do. (I wouldn't know, I'm not there am I?)
I attended a meeting recently where the topic of marriage was discussed and it's purposes. One purpose discussed was procreation and the Biblical viewpoint of marriage being the precursor to starting a family. Now if you have ready other blogs you will know that I am a Bible believing Christian and I already knew this fact. But hearing those words said out loud - both hurt and angered me. This then made me involuntarily shout out in response
"Not for every couple it doesn't, it's not that simple."
There is more to marriage than having children but equally that is all we want too a child and a family of our own.
Then I feel a failure once again. We have been married for 6 years now and trying to conceive for 5 of those. Still no baby, no family, no child of own.
"Remember nothing is too hard for Me. You may not see it, but everything will work out in the end, have faith!"
I read this quote a few days ago when I was thinking of writing a blog on this subject. It spoke to me in God's words. Even though I don't always feel it. He's there!
1 Samuel 2:30 reads "Those who honour me, I will honour also."
We are living out our lives as a Christian example of our faith. We live in this world, but not of it. And I truly believe that God will honour us and allow me to become pregnant and start our family soon.
Infertility sucks!
But ...
God is good!
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